Just wanted to let everyone know that there will be no new blogs for a while. I am currently at Burning Man & have chosen not to sit in my sweltering car in a 100 degree desert & type away on my computer. I am a virgin & will likely have some great blogs after the festival.
Stay tuned…
When Rick asked if I’d be interested to play poker with some of the local Rednecks, I jumped at the chance. I enjoy a good game of Poker, but also knew it’d be some quality entertainment. Jerry had converted a under utilized tool shed into a full fledged poker room. This included being a good distance from the main house, full size refrigerator, utility sink, air conditioning (it is the South), full size poker table w/ leather wrist rests, & a computer to keep track of changing blinds. There were eight of us & it was obvious these guys have done this once or twice. They had the system down w/ the chips pre-counted, buy-in set, & pizza was already waiting when we arrived. The good news was that for all this focus on poker, everybody was still laid back in regards to play.
Like any good poker game, you always have the characters; this included a couple guys from the mill, a retiree from the mill, a county worker, the pharmacist, a beer traveller, & of course Speedy the 400# tax man. I bring up his rather large stature only to paint a better picture of his nickname. I wouldn’t consider myself a bad poker player, but I didn’t win 1 hand in all of the 1st two games. I finally came in 3rd place in the final game only to find out there’s no 3rd place payout in the final game.
For those players that lost their money early, there was always Corn-hole back behind the shed. Corn-hole, I believe, is a southern invention that consists of throwing bean bags at a slightly sloped piece of plywood w/ a hole in it. It seems like I may have played something similar as a kid, but it’s ‘slightly’ more exciting w/ several beers & trash talking. The objective…yep, get it in the hole! Two pts in & one pt. if it lands on the wood. Pts cancel the opposing teams as their are 2 different colored beanbags in play.
The night ended with me having much much less money than I went with, but some good laughs & a new skill-set…corn-hole!
Gwen & Zach made the decision to get married @ a YMCA summer camp that Gwen was working at. This was one of the most laid back & fun weddings I’ve been to. The laid back part may have had something to do with the 90 degree heat & 95% humidity of an Alabama summer. Kinda sucks the energy out of ya…well that & the hangovers. Guests including myself started arriving Friday. The wedding was planned for Saturday evening with guests free to stay throughout the entire weekend.
Most of the summer kids were gone for the weekend, but there was a few stragglers including some camp counselors. A Christian summer camp for kids leads to an interesting dynamic when it comes to a wedding. This occurred to me as the Christian parents arrived to pick their kids up Friday & glared @ my Beer Traveller garb. I can only imagine what was going through their minds as they wondered if I was one of the counselors with whom they had left their kids with.
Lodging involved several reserved cabins w/ approx 16 bunk beds on each side. There were 3 toilets & 3 showers in the center. You do the math. Toilets & showers were in the same room which provided excellent opportunities to meet your bunk mates, both male & female.
The wedding was held outside in a nicely wooded chapel w/ thunder rumbling in the background. The climax (before the wedding night) was the tornado warning that blared about 5 minutes post wedding. The game plan was to hit a Mexican restaurant after the wedding for dinner (& drinks). This plan was obviously postponed due to…well a tornado! Unfortunately we missed the tornado, but the sheets of rain, lightening/thunder, high winds, & blown water toys did provide for some quality entertainment. It also gave a reprieve from the ridiculous heat & humidity. The wedding occurred @ about 6PM & we arrived at the restaurant around 9PM. I’m sure I don’t need to go into the mood that we all were in. I never thought a Margarita & chips/salsa could taste so good. The dinner ended well with some imported Japanese sake (wedding gift that was shared with me) & tequila shots at midnight to celebrate the brides birthday. It was than back to camp to sip Coors; that’s about all you can handle in the heat. Sunday was more recovery; this consisted of standing in waist deep pee temperature brown water while the sun zapped the alcohol out of ya.
It was a great (& interesting) group of people; a vast majority were highly educated w/ doctorates in Environmentally focused majors. There were stories of buying escorts for dentists, smoking crystal meth, exotic foods & the aftermath, & chiggers in all the wrong places. Local fare was delicious, including serious Bama BBQ, fried catfish, fried okra, & fried pickles. Thanks Gwen & Zach for putting everything together & I wish you the very best in your new marriage.
I wouldn’t consider myself a uptight or nervous driver, but DC is a nightmare if you don’t know where you’re going. First fumble of the day consisted of almost running a couple of Capitol Policeman off the road. Impatience got the best of me when I decided to pass a dump truck downtown. After pulling over to the next lane I heard a honk behind me. I was thinking who’s this asshole as I looked in my rearview & saw both a motorcycle cop & car cop. Mind you, the truck that almost hit them had a huge “www.TheBeerTraveller.com” magnet on the back. You want to talk about a recipe for getting pulled over. The adrenaline tweaked & I nervously awaited that familiar site of the flashing lights. As I pulled up to a stoplight the motorcycle cop pulled along side me & motioned for my window to be rolled down. He informed me that I may want to use a signal light next time as I almost hit his partner. And than…that was it. I must say this was the coolest cop I ever ran into (no pun intended). Thank goodness there’s more important people in that city than the Beer Traveller. Guessing they had to escort some politician to their escort.
First off let me say that I greatly appreciate anyone putting me up for a night & this is no way a complaint. But I do have an obligation to my 3 fans to provide them with some entertaining blog babble.
I had just seen Bob @ Geekapolooza, but Amy was unable to make it. Crashing at their place also allowed me to see their 2nd child who I had never seen. Amy & I caught up on the latest…beer drinking & baby making, while Bob did his thing. It’s funny to see how both time & kids can change people so dramatically. Amy & Bob are probably in the best shape of their lives, but turn into gram & gramps at about 8 PM. They treated me to dinner & a few Molsen Canadians while I attempted to catch up on my internet duties. After the kiddies were put down (not in the John Conner way of ‘putting down’) I joined the two for an evening of boob tube & reminiscing. Bob is now into his bourbon phase & I figured it was about time for me to switch it up for a night. It was soon time for Bob to hit the sack & Amy was fading fast after popping her sleep aid.
I finished up Harley Davidson & the Marlboro Man; I thought I remembered that movie being good. Than it was time for me to make my way upstairs. As I ascended, I heard an evil static & figured someone may have left a TV on. Than it became clear that there was a little box in the bathroom making this noise & this appeared to be on purpose. I let the machine do it’s thing while I finished my nightly routine & than figured who ever needed this awful noise must be asleep by now. Off. There was more noise coming from one of the other bedrooms, but I had alleviated the worse of it. About 20 minutes later I heard the oldest of the young-ins crying. Than the voice of super Dad asking “what’s wrong with you? why are you crying?” Five minutes later my previous achievement was reverted back to its original setting of ON, volume 10. There was a switch-up though; now instead of bad TV static, it had been switched to the haunting heart beat…thump…thump…thump! At this point in my travels, I’ve learned to sleep through just about anything, but these were not the sounds of the Great Outdoors that I was used to. Thank goodness for Beer & Bourbon!
The next morning I joked w/ Amy about it & she informed me they have 4 of these glorious machines. Bob was already gone & Amy fixed me a fabulous snack pack for my travels. A bye to the beautiful young-ins & I was off to my next destination. Thanks again Bob & Amy.
Geekapooloza is a get together of a bunch of us that went to college together, all for Paper Science & Engineering. It was named after the music festival lolllapalooza & consists of a bunch of highly intelligent individuals, who now have families & good jobs, trying to re-live their college partying days for one weekend a year. Every year someone (w/ spouse’s permission) agrees to host the event. This year it was held in a little town called Brownville by the gracious John & Kathy. It involved a lot of talking shit, quotes out of context, beer pong, horseshoes (who doesn’t like heaving heavy things @ each other when their drinking), frisbee, & ladder golf. John & Kathy also had some local friends & their 3 sons in town. I’d like to say more, but things are a bit fuzzy & how much can you really say about a party. It’s about being there…right Brian, Stuckey, & Amy?
I will be posting pics in my photo album section of the website.
We decided since the weather still sucked & it was early to stop into another pub before heading back stateside. I believe the phrase was we’ll just stop for one. I should have known things would be a little weird when the pub named the Speckled Hen was out of…you guessed it, Speckled Hen! No worries, they had a wide array of English, Irish, & Belgium Beers on tap. I ended up doing a Smithwicks, Kilkenny,& Hoeegarden. The Hoeegarden coming in the form of a 23 oz fishbowl.
The real entertainment came from a newlywed couple, Scott & Shauna, who were on their honeymoon & staying across the street. They apparently decided to stop in for one also. But from the looks of things Scott had been having 1 every 1/2 hr since breakfast. We weren’t part of the tab;e that they had joined & it’s a little tough to describe unless you were there so I was just give you some quotes that we heard:
Scott: I’m trying to make you more palatable to the female species.
Female (non-bride): Make the male species more intelligent.
Scott: The male species are idots!
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Male: Even a stray cat will drink tainted milk.
Female: Stray cat or stray pussy?
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Scott: Meowwww!
Female (non-bride): We’re Lions!
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Shauna (wife of Scott): If it makes you feel better I married that god-damn thing!
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Scott (to female non-bride, in front of bride): I should have married you in the 1st place.
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Scott (to female non-bride): If you would have said I want a German beer, I would have put things in your mouth that I wouldn’t put in my hand.
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Scott (to female): Best of luck finding a man to eat.
The night than ended with me getting lectured by the US customs agent about not having my passport. When I say lectured, stern talking to about not having my passport. I mean I realize you have a job to do, but I’m in the car w/ my 2 parents & sister…all with the same last name.
I wanted to extend a special thanks to Wally & Shannon, who have recently donated to my cause. They seem to be the only ones who have found the “Donate” button. For those of you who are still clueless, it is a orange button in the upper right corner of every page that reads “Donate“. Press it…fill in some bank/credit info…& see what happens.
Just a reminder I’m unemployed & am working on mooching as much as possible.
Dad, John/Danielle, Stuckey/Kate, John/Kathy, Bob/Amy; y’all are all exempt due to providing me with a roof & booze!
Thanks!
As I stated in my last post, we ran into a jerk @ Montana Brewing Company. I found my 1st Asshole of the trip. I’m about as laid back & non confrontational as they come, but that doesn’t change the fact that there’s always people that want to fight you for no reason.
Mike & myself were chit chatting w/ Scotland Steve when CTA (Craig the Asshole) came in & got himself a budweiser. He sat down next to Steve & proceeded to strike up conversation with him. Mike & myself were sitting at a 90 a little ways down looking in the direction of Steve & CTA. CTA made it quite clear that he was a roughneck & he was still tough @ ~50 yrs old. I have no problems w/ roughnecks, as long as this one doesn’t represent the lot.
CTA kept drilling Steve as to whether Mike & I were talking shit b/c we were looking in their general direction (we weren’t). Steve got up to hit the head & I took the opportunity to go down & introduce myself. CTA’s response “Us roughnecks have a saying…we would rather fight you than look at you”. It was clear that we were not going to be BFFE so I went back to my seat. Not sure if maybe it was my Birkenstocks, Mike’s hippy-like appearence, or my taste for Good Beer that tweaked this guy.
CTA continued to think we were talking about him & I could sense his inner violence growing to a boil. At one point he screamed down to me (we weren’t even talking to him) & yelled “Your life sucks! You have a shitty life! I would hate to be you!”. Needless to say he was shortly cut-off by Cory & Crew. A few minutes later he left. I went down to debrief w/ Steve; he informed me that CTA had been preaching religion to him the whole time. I find it interesting that the drunkess, most beligriant, & most violent individual was preaching the gospel.
I can only find slight comfort in knowing I gave CTA my website & hope he can pull his head out of his ass long enough to have someone show him how to work a PC. Hey Craig…this Bud’s for you! You don’t deserve a real beer.
I took advantage of a last minute invitation & hit Fremont’s Summer Solstice Parade this past Saturday. After getting a late start & spending a ridiculous amount of time looking for parking it was obvious we were not going to see the full show. We soon begin to wonder if we would be seeing any of the show; the crowd was about 15 deep along the parade route & with our combined height of about 10 ft, it wasn’t looking too good for seeing over anybody.
Due to a required traffic lane, we found we were able to pop a squat between outgoing traffic & a “Move!” nazi. Needless to say with as small of a footprint as we took, we were still unwelcome in our newfound seats. I was ping-ponged between a stressed out photographer trying to get the perfect shoot & a 10 yr girl saying “hey mister, I can’t see”. Unfortunately this left no room for the soon-to-be shrink that I had come with. I would have to make due without Ashley’s professional commentary & we would have to debrief after the parade.
It was soon unclear whether the parade or the spectators were most interesting. I have lived in many parts of the country & I can honestly say that Seattlites can be some of the rudest people. This is based off of more than the “Move!” nazi, but her actions strongly support my opinion. Understandably you don’t want people in front of you during a parade, but when the crowd is 15 thick from the parade route to whatever structure is behind, there’s really nowhere else to go. The only time people moved was when there was a lull in the floats (i.e. they thought the parade was over). I will say that her SOP of yelling “Move!” & spraying their feet w/ a water bottle proved quite successful. She’d make a great cattle herder! I would like to see her try this technique in NYC or Boston; the outcome may be a little different.
One of the funnier moments was when her husband/friend lectured the near-by cop on the dangers of letting cars out of the parking lot, via through the crowd. ”Excuse me…Officer…why are you letting these cars through the crowd?” To which the officer calmly replied “cause that’s what I was told to do”. Evidently Mr. Safety was not happy w/ his lack of results & decided to focus his effort on getting the officer to move out of his line of sight. After barking “officer” & “sir” about 20 times, the realization that the officer was not going to respond finally kicked in. Now I ask…where exactly is a crowd control/traffic officer suppose to stand in order to be out of everyone’s way??? Apparently Mr. Safety didn’t care as long as the officer wasn’t in ‘his’ way.
I could go on about the sights, but will spare my dialogue & re-direct you to the photos.